2024 Was My Final Straw Year

2025 Is all about living the life I worked so hard for.

I saw a reel on Instagram the other day that I just absolutely loved the concept of. I loved it so much that I created a similar one myself. It was all about the idea of 2024 being the final straw year, in other words, the year that I stopped allowing my ED to take things away from me—most specifically the last 6 months. After spending all of 2023 and the first half of 2024 in my “gap year” solely focusing on recovery and regaining a somewhat normal life, I felt a big shift in myself the last 6 months of 2024. Within a matter of a few days my life had completely changed, I moved to a new state and was living in a different state than my parents for the first time. I was on my own, taking summer classes, and was forced to create a new routine. Then just when I felt somewhat comfortable with where my life was at another huge shift happened once the regular season started. I was handed a great amount of change all at once and every part of me wanted to go back to my ED. I needed to control it because every other part of my life was controlled by someone else. I wanted to restrict myself, to exercise every free chance I got, I needed the control, I needed the comfort of my ED, but I knew I couldn’t go back. With every thought that came in, attempting to convince me that going back to my old ways would be better, I simply ignored it. I ignored it and reminded myself that restriction would lead to losing weight and losing weight would lead to me not being able to race. That was the only thing that seemed to help me overcome the voices those first couple weeks, I kept telling myself that listening to Ed would take running away, the one thing I worked so hard to get back. However, as time went on and I continued to fight off the voices, I was simultaneously creating a new routine for myself. I loved going to practice every day. I loved my classes. I loved having dinner with my teammates every night. I loved spending time with the girls on the team, I loved Sunday long runs and Church. I loved post-practice Pit brunch and Krankies runs. I loved going out for dinner and random frozen yogurt trips, I loved exploring Winston and getting the opportunity to travel so much for meets. Every night I went to bed happy and excited to wake up the next morning and do it all over again & as someone who spent many years going to bed praying not to wake up in the morning, this mindset shift felt like a dream.

So now when the voices occasionally try to creep back in or I have a bad body image day or day that I am feeling a bit guilty and ED tries to convince me that going back to my old ways would be better, I remind myself of everything I am taking away. I am not just taking away running anymore, I am taking away the amazing friendships I created these last 6 months, I am taking away the healthy relationship with food and exercise I created. I am taking away all the new good memories I have made because of recovery. I am taking away everything that I worked so hard to get back. I was thinking back the other day about everything 2024 entailed and how many changes I made and part of me felt like I didn’t accomplish that much, but then I remembered where I was a year ago and realized how wrong I was to believe that. A year ago I would have dreamed of being where I am now, that version of me never thought we would ever get here. Even though she knew we were going to Wake everything else seemed so unknown and somewhat impossible. Reflecting on everything honestly makes me so excited for 2025. These last 12 months were my final straw, my final straw with my ED, but also with that entire passed version of myself. I got rid of that scared girl who wanted nothing, but to shrink herself. I got rid of that weak runner who believed her only way to the top was to be lighter. I got rid of the version of myself that I thought everyone wanted me to be, the version that I thought would make me more likable, the version I thought would make me happier, and replaced it with the real me. The me who puts herself out there, says yes, speaks her mind, fuels herself, laughs, and “the me” I have always meant to be. 2024 was my final straw with the fake Angelina and the creation of the real me. 2025 is the start of the rest of my life as the true version of me!